My Painting Is Bossing Me Around
I stepped down from the ladder, tucked my concentration tongue back into my mouth, and stood back to admire my freshly painted hallway.
“We said apricot,” The Girls said in unison.
“I just painted it apricot!” I exclaimed.
“It’s so pale! You can’t even see it from here!” They jeered.
“I’m not going to re-paint it!” I said.
“We asked for apricot. You’d better give us apricot.”
And this was the conversation that led me back to Ace Hardware to explain to the man at the paint counter that I was back for a darker shade of apricot because my newly acquired painting told me to.
I don’t treat myself often, but after getting such a great deal on two items for the house that I had been saving up for, the retro fridge and the bed, I decided it would be fair to splurge a little on artwork.
I’d been avoiding my favorite antique store because it is the most expensive of my second-hand haunts and we were on a tight budget. Having decided to allow myself a treat, my mom and I headed over to the Albany Antique Mall to shop for art.
We serpentined our way through the maze of vendor stalls, stopping to critique a few potential art buys. We came to a corner when the hair stood up on the back of my neck and I was struck with a premonition that my treat, my treasure, was going to be on the other side of that wall.
Sure enough, we rounded the corner to find a nearly 4ft ornate frame containing the pristine flowers and ethereal figures of Botticelli’s Primavera. Lithograph. 1920’s.
I knew I would have to have it regardless of the price, but I checked it all the same. Unlike most things in the Albany Antique Mall, this lithograph was being sold for much less than it was worth. I would have been tempted to haggle in most any other case, but I was content to pay every asking penny for the piece.
I have never acquired anything so beautiful or so valuable.
The subject of the painting is Flora, the Goddess of Spring, who I have had a borderline obsession with since I first saw a breathtaking marble statue of her at the Met when I was 17.
The statue isn’t popular enough to have reproductions made of it like say, any number of David statues or Bernini angels, but Boteccelli’s Primavera is one of the artist’s most reproduced paintings.
Flora Louis Claude Vassé French, 1764
I was so worked up over the purchase of this lithograph that it ruined my whole day. I was speechless, unable to focus, shocked that I could come to own anything so beautiful.
It needed a new wire for hanging, so I took it home and carefully fixed it up with new hardware so it would be ready to hang.
I wanted to give it a place of prominence in my living room next to my Japanese screen. I cleared space, got the ladder, and held them up so I could decide on a good height for them.
That’s when I heard them speak.
I’m not saying the painting was talking, but I’m also saying the painting was talking. The Girls, as they have come to be referred to, didn’t want to be hung by the screen.
You see, the Japanese screen is covered in beautiful ladies in gorgeous silk robes, dancing and playful in spirit.
I believe the issue was that The Girls knew they couldn’t compete with such beauty, so they threatened World War Three on The Far East should I decide to hang them in the living room next to the Screen.
My beloved Japanese screen as you may know is my prized possession and its serine ladies are much loved and respected, so I couldn’t have the newcomers stirring up any drama.
To keep peace in the home, I offered The Girls sole reign over the bedroom. They could have the largest wall in proximity to the window enough to be seen in decent light without getting damaged over time. I thought it was a thoughtful and generous offering on my end.
“What, the least foot-trafficked room in your house??” They scoffed.
They just weren’t having it.
I thought about the hallway, but that seemed like a bit of a crime against the History of Western Art as a whole.
I’ve already decided to reserve the upstairs for children so they couldn’t go upstairs where they could be damaged by any number of flying objects or rowdiness.
I was running out of options for them.
“You can’t have the dining room,” I pleaded, more than stated. “My grandfather eats food in there and you simply aren’t dressed appropriately for dinner with my grandfather.”
They wanted the dining room. They demanded the dining room.
“Don’t worry,” My friend Kelly said over the phone, “I’'ll knit little sweaters for them that you can tape over them when your grandpa is visiting.”
There is only one wall in the dining room that’s large enough for them.
I caved.
I got the ladder and the drill and started hoisting them about to find a good height.
I wanted to center them on the wall because I tend to appreciate a fairly symmetrical space.
They wouldn’t have it!
“A little to the left,” they chimed. “Oh, a little more. Perfect.”
I was being bossed around by a painting. Was I nuts? Was the painting possessed? It wasn’t even an original! Just a dusty old lithograph. Regardless, what they said went and they came to rest on the big wall in the dining room, a little off to the left from the center.
I could not for the life of me figure out what that whole off-kilter thing was about. That is, I couldn’t until the next day when I was pulling out of my driveway.
I wanted to do a little security/privacy check to see what our neighbors could see through our windows.
I drove by the deck and was pleased to note that the railing prevented you from seeing in.
I turned the corner and saw the living room window was also obscured. And then I saw the dining room window.
The only thing, and I mean the only thing, anyone can see when they drive by our house, is that darn Primavera lithograph. Any more to the right and you would miss it.
It was a bossy picture and also a show-off picture.
As it turns out, their bossiness is not limited to where they hang out.
The next thing they told me they didn’t like was the hallway.
You see, when you walk in the front door, the first thing you see is The Girls, but, how much more lovely and accented would they be if I painted the hallway between the living and dining rooms a lovely apricot shade that would accent their colors? Their words, not mine.
The hallway did need a fresh coat of paint, so I allowed it.
But as noted before, I ended up with an apricot shade just a bit lighter than they had wanted and they wouldn’t drop the subject.
I repainted the hallway and they still aren’t exactly pleased with the shade of apricot that I chose, but it’s close enough that they aren’t too vocal about it.
They don’t like the china hutch that they’re hanging above because it puts them just a few inches higher than they would like for ease of viewing. The hutch is fairly ornate, as is the china inside, so they also don’t like competing. They’ve suggested a simple Queen Anne walnut buffet to match my table, but I’m still waiting for an affordable one to pop up. I promised them that I would get them their proper buffet when the time comes and that seems to be good enough for now.
I almost got the perfect one on facebook marketplace, but alas, part of winning is losing. We have to pour one, or about 23, out for all the lovely finds I found but lost out on because someone else beat me to them. Here’s the sideboard The Girls wanted that I almost had for only $95 but got out bid for at the last minute…
The Girls also let me know which of my other paintings could hang in the same room as them. People and animals are out of the question because they might compete.
Florals are allowed, but only of the dark and moody variety. My collection of three gold and red velvet framed architecture prints was allowed. I’m still waiting to stumble upon the right piece to go next to my card catalog because they’ve vetted out everything else I’ve suggested.
So here I am, freshly moved into a new house with excitement about filling it with beautiful things, and I’m already being bossed around like a servant in my own home. Sigh.
It is quite frankly ridiculous. But the longer I live with The Girls, the more I have to concede that they are pretty great decorators. They ain’t polite about their suggestions by any means, but I do think that as long as they preside over my dining room there will be a concise and orderly flow to everything.
I’ve slowed down on my house shopping as things are pretty cozy as they are, but every purchase I make to this day is run by The Girls first.
They veto most things, but I’ve grown to appreciate their taste and the house has never felt too quiet under their ruling. And if you ever drive by our house… you’ll see them in the window and they’ll see YOU, I’m sure of it. Do with that information what you must.
Up Next: Phase Three. We’ve reduced, reused, and recycled everything we could to furnish our house on a budget and with items that have lasted and will continue to last the test of time. In my next post, I’ll share some of my favorite items we purchased new that put the final touches on our preliminary home furnishing series.